Giving Advice

We have had a trying last 3 years, very trying, and b/c of that we have received a lot of advice, some solicited and some not. I have learned a lot about giving advice through receiving advice and thought I'd share some of what I've learned. Many times when a person tells you about their situation, they are not looking for you to solve their problem. They are much more looking for a listening ear and most likely some empathy. In our latest trial, one person, namely my sister-in-law, Lisa, listened to me at one of my worst points during that trial and simply said sincerely, "I'm so sorry you are going through all of this, I had no idea." It had such a profound impact on me. Empathy goes a long way when you are struggling. It taught me a lot b/c many times when I have a friend who is hurting I might turn the conversation to myself and how I have somehow endured much of the same trials. That is not what a person needs to hear in the moment of discouragement.

Another good friend of mine, Crystal, had a great way of helping me to decide whether or not to take on a new business. I am currently looking into becoming a rep for CAbi, a clothing line that has a very personal approach and awesome clothing. This opportunity really excites me and what I have found is that most well meaning people tell me I should or should not do this. I know they are just trying to help and I do value their opinions immensely which is why I ask their opinion:) My freind Crystal had a different approach that was so helpful to me. She simply asked me some questions. For example, "What does Tobin think about you starting this business?" "Do you have friends that would do shows for you?" "Is the money you have to put into it something that you could lose if it didn't work out?" She even offered her support in saying she'd host a show for me. She asked if I had thought about waiting a little longer to make the decision. She did not ever say, yes you should do this or no, definitely don't do it. Her approach is the one that has really made me weigh the pros and cons and has been very effective in helping ME decide if this is right for me and my family. In turn it has taught me a ton about giving a friend advice:)